“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath”
James 1:19
Every relationship is built on communication and communication is not complete without these three: listening, speaking and controlling our emotions.
In James 1:19, we see the perfect order of communication and what to do in each situation. Tough as it seems, following this order will help preserve most, if not all our relationships.
Be swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath.
Notice the order. He tells us to listen first. Then speak. And only after that, deal with our emotions.
Many times, we reverse the order. We get angry first, speak out of that anger and only afterwards realize we never really listened in the first place.
But James teaches us a better way.
To be swift to hear is to be ready to listen.
Not just to hear words, but to understand what is being said.
Listening requires patience. It requires us to set aside our assumptions and our need to always be right. When we listen well, we learn. We gain understanding. We give ourselves the opportunity to see things from another perspective.
Many conflicts would never start if people took a little more time to listen.
But listening alone is not enough.
James also tells us to be slow to speak.
This does not mean we should never speak. Rather, it means we should think before we do.
Words are powerful. Once they leave our mouths, we cannot take them back.
A careless word can damage a relationship.
A harsh word can leave a wound that lasts for years.
A wise word, however, can encourage, heal and bring clarity.
It means asking ourselves:
Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it helpful?
Not every thought needs to be spoken.
Not every opinion needs to be shared.
Sometimes, wisdom is knowing when to remain silent.
James then tells us to be slow to wrath.
This may be the most difficult instruction of all.
We live in a world that encourages quick reactions. We are often quick to take offence, quick to defend ourselves and quick to become angry when things do not go our way.
Yet anger has a way of clouding our judgement.
It causes us to say things we should not say and do things we later regret.
This is why James does not simply tell us to control our anger. He first tells us to listen and to be careful with our words.
Many times, anger loses its power when we take the time to listen and understand.
Now, this does not mean anger is never justified. There are things that should grieve us and move us to action. But even then, we must learn to respond with wisdom rather than impulse.
So why is this instruction important?
– Listening helps us gain understanding before we form conclusions.
– Being slow to speak helps us guard our words and communicate with wisdom.
– Being slow to wrath helps us respond instead of react.
– Together, these habits strengthen our relationships with others.
– More importantly, they help us reflect the character of Christ.
The truth is that every day will give us opportunities to practise these things.
Someone will say something we do not agree with.
Someone will offend us.
Someone will test our patience.
In those moments, James reminds us of the better way.
Listen first.
Speak carefully.
Control your anger.
Be swift to hear.
Be slow to speak.
Be slow to wrath.
For when these become habits, wisdom is no longer something we know; it becomes something we live.